


loves me, loves me not

by somethingleftunderwater



Category: S.W.A.T. (TV 2017)
Genre: 2x23, F/M, i guess, just a little.... coda to that little look at the award ceremony, street's pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-03
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2020-04-07 11:07:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19083781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somethingleftunderwater/pseuds/somethingleftunderwater
Summary: If there's still a chance, when I turn my head, she'll look back.





	loves me, loves me not

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. The lack of fic for this pairing is upsetting. 
> 
> 2\. There are multiple reasons why posting this is a bad idea which are that I'm having a horrendous sensory overload day, I don't actually have a beta and I haven't written any fic in three years. So, with all that in mind, please forgive me.

He missed her eyes. He knew it was cliché, but it was still true. He missed being able to share a look with her and knowing she had his six. That he wasn't alone. It smoothed out his edges, made him get lost for a second. He just wanted that back.

Now he was lucky if she even looked in his general vicinity. Sure, when they were out there doing the job, it was different, but even then it was like she was looking straight through him. Apart from that, she gave him no acknowledgement. He knew why, but it still hurt like hell.

If he was being honest, the knot in his stomach that had formed that day in the kitchen when she said she couldn't be his friend anymore had not loosened even a little, just tightened each time they walked past each other, pulling his heart down with it. He wondered whether this was as hard for her as it was for him.

With everything that was going on with his mom, she was the only he wanted to talk to about it, but she wasn't a part of his life anymore. At least, not in that way, not in the way that he wanted.

These last two years, his feelings had only grown from the persistent crush he'd had on her back in the beginning. He was in love with her, that much he'd come to realise, but there was so much to battle against. Her rules, SWAT rules, he knew that they'd end up on different teams or worse, and he couldn't risk that. They worked too well together and they'd both worked so hard to get where they were, so he'd settled for friends. Best friends. He'd just wanted her in his life in any way possible.

Then the kiss had happened, blowing his mind around in a hurricane. It had invaded his every conscious thought (and some of his unconscious ones too). He'd replayed it over and over in his mind. How they'd both leaned in, their breaths mingling together as their foreheads rested against each other. The anticipation of what they both knew was coming, had been since the moment they'd met. How he realised later that the moment their lips brushed had been the only time he'd felt drunk and it wasn't on the whiskey. How his heart had skipped when she'd leaned up to deepen the moment.

It was the reason he hadn't found the courage to give up on them just yet. He had the utmost respect for her and he would never want to push, but that moment had shifted their entire dynamic and he knew she felt that too. But as they all sat there at Deacon's award ceremony, he couldn't help but wonder whether the time was now.

He'd never been one to believe in signs or fate or whatever else people called it, but he found himself asking for a sign now. A sign to not give up hope.

_If there's still a chance, when I turn my head, she'll look back._

As Deac talked about family, his eyes dared to look her way. Whether she glanced at him or not, he thinks it would hurt either way. If her eyes met his, he'd know, but that would also come with the knowledge that whatever spark they had ignited during their kiss would never have the potential to burn. If not... well the knot in his stomach just got a little tighter.

He would've given anything to know what she was thinking. He decided to wait for five seconds.

Five.

_The way the words had come spilling out on the page when she told him to address his letter to her._

Four.

_The way his heart had climbed further and further in his throat each second she hadn't been breathing after inhaling that nerve agent._

Three.

_How he couldn't concentrate on a single thing the entire time she was in Mexico with Jessica._

Two.

_How she never stopped believing in him and fighting for him after he screwed up and lost his place on the team. How nobody except Buck had ever cared that much._

One.

_The way she told him the story of her history of Thompson. The just-above-a-whisper 'I don't date cops'. Like an explanation. Like an apology. Like a regret._

Her eyes remained firmly on Deac. He let out the breath he was holding and had to fully concentrate so he wouldn't look back to see if she'd glanced at him a second too late.

**Author's Note:**

> I might write Chris' POV of her moment during this scene when she's looking at Street and Molly, I kinda have an outline but.... we'll see.


End file.
